I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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