she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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