I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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