**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
