I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
ttyl tear gas
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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