I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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