It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Couch. On fire.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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