hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
