how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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