Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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