i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
