apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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