How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Your cock deserves a montage
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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