The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
