i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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