dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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