I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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