There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
