you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
