Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
