thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
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we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
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That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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