i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Let's get the cat blown out
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
