So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
