That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
