dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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