The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
