Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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