I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
