Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm sobbing to NWA
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
