New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
