I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
