i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
