doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
FUCK WHALES
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
