I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
