Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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