there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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