I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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