Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
