how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
