We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
