your thong is hanging out like whoa
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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