I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
