you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
