yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
