my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
