I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize