I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
