Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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