I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
