Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
