whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
