Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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