i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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