That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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