Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You have to summon your inner elephant
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
