you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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