So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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