I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
