Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
