Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
