whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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