yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
