it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
