can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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