I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
