Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
