I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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