I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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