the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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